Hit me, kill me, but do not lie to me.

(Unedited)

If there is anything which is worse than a sin then, as for me personally, it is Lie. I HATE LIES or I better say DISHONESTY/CHEATS and I will continue to hate it as long as I live. And in all the places further when I use the term ‘Lie’ I would essentially mean ‘Dishonesty’.

It is very difficult for me to forgive a person who lies/lied to me. Because for someone who is so emotionally attached to people around him, feelings value. And when feelings are hurt, you cry. If you are beaten physically you would only suffer physical pain, if some comes and cuts your legs/hands off you will be handicapped physically. But when someone hurts your heart, your inner spirit, it is worse. Something that can never be repaired. It is an old saying that once a mirror is broken it can never show the complete image even if it is joined somehow. There will always be a scar. Scar on body can be cured or covered, but scar on heart can only be covered never cured. And I face the fear around me always, be it my colleagues, my contacts, my well wishers, or even my true friends.

In my short life of 7 years, 7 because I believe I came to life only since 1999. It was the time when I realized (though not understood ever) what is life all about. I started knowing people, their out(s) and their in(s). I came to know what is wrong, what is right, what is a crime, what is a sin. I came to know when and how much to value someone’s word. I came to know who should I talk to and who should talk to me. And when all these happened at once, my list of people around me got shorter suddenly. I am sad (but not sorry) that it happened. When I came to know the reality of some of my friends my inner self did not allow me to continue any touch with them. And since then I have been very selective when it comes to making friends. Some people consider it as my shyness but I wish that they read this post before creating judgments on my behavior.

For me friends are not just people around you who you see, smile, wave, part & then forget. They are people who you think of when they are not there with you, people you want to know about, people you care for, people you want to help by any means, people you long to meet, and people you would love to be with in your next life too. Not to mention that those people should have same set of feelings towards you. I know you must be thinking of your many friends right now and trying to figure out how many fit into these standards. Don’t be sad. And that is why my friend list is very small. And rest people come to another list which I call “Contacts”. I would like to reveal here that people have always caught me hanging around on my mail box, over instant messenger or talking over the wireless media continuously. If it is so it is because of those beautiful gifts that I have received from god in the form of friends. And I am proud to call them friends, real friends. I am also proud that I am caught talking to them. And honestly it will continue, as long as I live and as long I have such people with me.

I know it might sound that why from the subject of lies I have diverted towards friendship. It is because when I hear a lie I can’t help think of those people who are honest. My friends (people in the 1st list) don’t lie to me. Not because they are very honest internally (no one can be 100% honest), but god’s grace they try to remain honest to me.

And I am strong enough to say that if I come to know of some one’s dishonesty, there would be a big scar on my friends list and another small one on my heart once more. I feel I am used to this. Why? That is a different story.

This very personal and very close to me post of mine is also read by my such friends and I say them openly, “I expect you to be honest.” I may sound rude but this the way I am. If I treat some one my friend, I think I have the right to expect honesty from them. And I assure that my honesty will remain as it has been till now.

This post is comparatively longer than the rest of the posts here and reason is simple, myself. I want to note down all this here, which I and others can read today or in the days to come.

In our religions, jainism in particular and hinduism is general, we are taught that speaking lies is a sin. I feel proud to be a part of such a community which seeds such values within us from our childhood. Still many people forget them, either due to situation or due to their own will, but those who remember, sooner or later feel the importance of it.

When one lies he/she has to keep a lot of things ready to face. He/she prepares the answers of the probable questions which can be asked. And sooner or later they have to rope in more lies in order to support the former ones. And this vicious circle, continues, continues and continues. And if there remains some sense of maturity, sooner or later he/she realizes the mistake and feels sorry for that. But the sooner, the better. Because time once gone can never be rewind. And all that is left is sorry and frustration.

I have always come to such situations where people have given me a lot of hope through their ‘honestly’ spoken words. Either they show it while describing a sensitive incident which happened or when they give away promises or when they agree to carry on some plans. But how many times they have followed their words and how many times they haven’t? As per my experience, especially since I developed a better sense of understanding the situation and people, I will say 1/10 times. This figure may sound too small to you but to me its something which still makes me happy, happy for the first part of it. At least every ten things I hear or every ten things that are said to me; one of those will be exactly like that, word by word. I know in this world of uncertainty where you don’t know what is going to happen to you in the next moment, its hard to expect even 1/10 to be carried in the manner it was said, leave alone 10/10. But if things are said with the sense of true honesty & true responsibility, it should. It will also help the anger, the anxiety, the frustration and the dejection caused later on to be brought down.

And as per my personal experience and what I have seen around myself, I know how great a loss false words cause. People are forced to do things they don’t want to. People are forced to do things which are not correct. People are forced to behave rudely. Why? Because their confidence, their respect for others and specially their respect for themselves have been broken. I use the word forced because it is something which is the effect of something, something which is caused not selected. And in most of the cases the losses of these effects are caused to you and only you. No one else will suffer. Or even if some one suffers of it, it would be temporary. But you, you will lose yourself for ever. So if people do not lie or make false promises, you would have been escaped.

Some one may argue that when you lie for someone’s benefit it is not a sin rather a good deed, because that will help him/her in some way or the other. But I believe it is only for those people who are weak and not ready or strong enough to face the truth, the fact. And I am not one of those. I believe that it is always better to know the facts, the truth, the bad things and cry rather than being happy and then get hit suddenly later on which may cause death to someone, mentally and sometimes physically too.

I don’t know, neither do I suggest that one should have any contact with those people who don’t mean their words. Because if you do so, you will be alone. And even at times You yourself have to lie (intentionally, unintentionally, forcefully, helplessly, etc)...so you are more alone. Rather it would be better to first find out about some and then believe. “It is always better to judge and act than to act and judge”. And I admit here that I lie too, but I am never dishonest.

Though I have skipped lots of things here either because they are too personal to me or because they are of no importance to you. But whatever I have said here is straight from my heart, one which prefers to be killed than being cheated.

I am different, I think differently. And so is you, he, she. Hence people will have different opinions to this entire post. But their comments are always welcome. I would like to know what do they feel/felt when some one lies/lied to them.

With a hope (still) to find more honest people around me.

Signing off,

Ro

There is one thing which never betrays and that’s your inner self. Live with it and live for it. You will never cry. I do the same. Do you?

P.S. This post is written in a very plain language because I wanted to dot down each and everything. And hence could not put in enough time to write it down in a professional/formal language. You may also feel that the points are not in a proper flow. But I hope I have been able to speak my heart here, honestly.